Over the last two years I'd tried every recommendation for managing my pain and maintaining the status quo of my health issues. I took herbal supplements, OTC, and prescription pain medicines. I went to physical therapy (who knew there was PT for our girl parts?!?!), ate healthfully, and practiced yoga, abdominal massage, and Reiki. My dear, sweet man even learned several new massage techniques to release the tension the pain created. The combination of it all had my day-to-day pain under control but it created a different set of intimacy issues in our relationship. After many tearful, soul-baring conversations with my partner, I came to the decision; it as time for the hysterectomy.
We scheduled it for April 11, 2011. Once my mind was made up, I quickly found peace with the physical aspects of surgery. I did my research, talked with my doctor and had a good understanding of what it would entail. One afternoon just a few days later, I saw an ad on Facebook for a Healing Your Uterus yoga/meditation workshop in south Florida. I knew instantly it was exactly what I needed but the timing conflicted with many things I needed to accomplish before my convalescence.
What could I do? I, of all people, needed to be in that workshop! Travel was not an option for me but I could feel that I was being led, no, pushed forward. I opened myself to the Universe and realized that while I couldn't travel I could do something similar for myself, I could make my own Red Tent. It galvanized that quickly … My last Moon was just days away. It would be my Red Tent. And my recovery would be as well.
I had loosely based concepts of a Red Tent -- a place where women gather during their moon time to celebrate being a woman. In my mind it was a beautifully decorated Persian tent, lined with plush rugs, luxurious pillows, and shimmering lanterns. All conveniently disguising the AC vents, bathrooms, and other modern necessities!! In reality it was my bedroom with a good cleaning and dusting plus new candles and beautiful new bromeliad. I picked up a copy of The Red Tent by Anita Diamant, explained to my dear, sweet man that this truly was my "special time" (as he'd so often teased over the years), and settled in to bleed.
I devoured The Red Tent the first two days; so moved was I by the strength and grace of it's women. In the days that followed, I spent many long hours in silence listening to my heart and journaling. I was completely in tune with my Goddess Consciousness for the first time in many years. Everywhere I looked ... a random package from a friend visiting Egypt, the gentle rain, the oak snake on my deck ... I could see the synchronicity of Her, of the Universe waking me to Her divinity, to my divinity.
It was through that process that I became aware that the hysterectomy was more than physical surgery. My GYN, a man who came highly recommended and whom I trusted, was about to split my root chakra and rearrange pretty much everything at my sacral chakra. I was terrified. The root chakra is responsible for our physical energy and everyday survival. It governs our vigor, heredity, survival, security, passion, money, home, and job. This would be the entry point for surgery.
The Sacral Chakra rules our vital, sensual body. It governs sexuality, reproduction, emotions, instincts, food, and general communication of the body with the consciousness that lives inside it. As well as other kinds of creativity including cooking, eating, dancing, and gardening. It depicts our emotional consciousness, our “animal instincts,” and tribal consciousness. The earth’s sacral chakra lies in the rainforests of South America! (home of the bromeliad … synchronicity!) It would be at my sacral chakra that all of the "work" would be done.
My partner, who almost never travels with work was called out of town that week. I was alone in my Red Tent, my sacred woman's space. In my fragile physical and emotional stated I succumbed to the emotions. I gave myself the night to freak out ... honestly, I wasn't conscious of that until later, only that I had to move through the emotions as they came. I woke the next day with a clear understanding that I needed Reiki treatments to address these 'new' issues. The whole reason I decided to have the surgery was to improve my quality of life. I had to take steps to prepare and protect my whole self, not just my physical body.
My first appointment with the Reiki master solidified that I was moving in the right direction. I am a Reiki II practioner and had been giving myself Reiki throughout this process but there is nothing quite like the deep relaxation and bliss that comes from letting someone take care of you. The Reiki was exceptionally powerful and kept me "buzzing" through to my second treatment, two days later. We included an emotional clearing in the second treatment. It established balance and allowed me to 'fine tune' the messages I was receiving from my inner Goddess and the Universe. I was completely blissed by the end of that session.
My mind was clear. My body was balanced and healthy, and healing had begun on the wounds that would be created during the surgery. I spent a peaceful weekend in that shimmery state with my dear, sweet man gently preparing for Monday, April 11, 2011. My new beginning!
